Unavailable Time (Best of BLOG)

In our modern world full of cell phones, Internet communications, 24/7 media, social networking and email, there are many entities that have created business goals to provide 100% Availability for these systems and utilities. While perhaps valuable as a service where competition is high and engendering loyal customers is key, somehow the assumption has crept into our culture that we as consumers must therefore be available to receive these services or we are 'missing out' on the experience.

In just a short period of time, we have gone from being a society where people have substantial periods of what I will call "Unavailable Time" to having none at all. The vast majority of people in America are now able to be reached 24/7 via some form of communication at a moment's notice. This is not a comment on the lack of value or quality of such services - I will suggest that if they were not of value we would not pay money for them. Simply taking a look at a household's annual spending for these services can give us an idea of the relative worth (i.e. many people will pay their cell phone bill over their gas/electric bill when push comes to shove). What has gone relatively unnoticed is the cost to our own lives of not having this 'Unavailable Time', specifically with regard to the ability to take a 'break' on a regular basis. There is a cost to being 100% available and it often shows itself in depression, illness, lack of well-being and a general sense of malaise that many people experience on a daily basis.

Unfortunately, this cost has crept up on us while we were enjoying our new 'toys'. The wave of these new forms of communication has hit us so fast that we have not had time to absorb the impact that this has had upon us. I can remember a time in just my short lifetime where I could turn on the TV and get the 'bars', where "You've got Mail" was what the postman said and where "We're not right here now, please leave a message at the beep and we'll get back to you when we get home" actually meant 'leave a message'! Taking a drive in your car or taking a walk in the woods actually meant that you could not be reached for a period of time. It was still possible to 'summer' as a verb at a location where bills would not be received and you had to take cash out of your bank account to fund the vacation/get-away.

As an exercise to illustrate this wave of change, think back to a special moment from your childhood to a time when you did not have a cell phone or email or 24/7 cable TV. Choose an event, either in solitude or with friends/family and remember how it felt to be in that moment and experiencing that special time. Relive that moment and let yourself be young again with the freedom and energy of youth. Then imagine your cell phone ringing/vibrating in your pocket the middle of that event... this is the world that many of us are living in today. In that moment we would very likely reach for the cell phone and sever the moment - instinct now has us responding to the cord of connection to a 24/7 communications culture.

Fortunately, we always have choice. It does requires a conscious choice in today's culture, but we have the choice nonetheless. You can indeed choose periods of Unavailable Time, if only for brief periods that will enable you do disconnect and experience part of that freedom and energy that was a common occurrence not too long ago. For in saying "No" to 100% Availability, you are actually making yourself more readily available to Source and your True Self. It is unlikely that you will cancel your cell phone or Facebook account, but you could turn it off for periods at a time - along with your home phone, Internet and Cable TV. You could do this while you are meditating or reading or walking in nature, or you could just do this when you are in your car, having coffee/drinks with a friend or having dinner with your family at home.

More proactively, you could even decide to go on a long weekend trip with your significant other and not tell anyone where you are going, leave your cell phones turned off (in the glove box for emergencies if you are so inclined) and not check email until you get home. For those of you who have children and/or dependents - you could make arrangements to have them cared for (or you could bring them with you without their cell phones & laptops) and perhaps just leave an emergency number where you will be staying. Your parents were able to figure this out and their parents before them, etc., etc. The point is simply that you could choose some 'Unavailable Time' but it will likely have to be a conscious choice where previously it was a common occurrence.

As an exercise in validation, you could just 'try it out', one step at a time. My suggestion would be to start with just 15-20 minutes a day of 'Unavailable Time' for 2 weeks and see what you begin to notice. You could then try adding-in 1-2 hour blocks weekly with 2-3 day blocks a few times a year. Even the act of planning a 'retreat' for several months in advance or a 'vacation' from availability for a few years in the future can hold a bright spot of possibility in your future. Each conscious act of Choice towards connecting to Source grounds you and makes the next subsequent act that much easier. Time builds upon time and suddenly new patterns begin to emerge. This is the magic of 'Unavailable Time' - you never know what you may find if you do not seek.

All the Best,
Whitney
© 2012 All rights reserved, Whitney Merrill

"If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading." - Lao Tzu

So Fast

Recently, I found myself feeling a sense of Loss due to the fact that my son is growing up So Fast.  I was looking at pictures from him @ 1 and 2 years old and feeling that I had not been fully present to those moments.  The sleepless nights and experiences of new parenting seemed to put everything into overdrive, like life rushing by the open window of a car going down the highway at 75 MPH. 

Thanks to the magic and ease of digital photography, I can now see pictures of him and us everywhere - smiling and having the best times.  Sometimes it is a pleasant memory that fills my heart with joy but sometimes it has me wishing that I had been more present or awake :).   I can then hear My Mind question: "Why does it have to all go So Fast?"  Often, from that thought comes the sense that I Missed something...and a feeling of Loss is activated.

When I notice this feeling it immediately reminds me to take a breath and pause.  If needed I will take a walk or find a space to clear my mind and meditate - for I know that this feeling is not my True Self.  It is separate from and distinct from the love and joy that I have in my heart for my family, my son, my wife, my friends and myself.  It is not True, but the Mind in it's fear based mode of resisting what truly is, is actually telling me what I need to do.

It's telling me that it's all going So Fast, so that I can choose to just slow down a bit.  Not come to a grinding halt, but perhaps take my foot off the gas for a minute and pull over into the slow lane - maybe down to 65 MPH for a while instead. :)  It's also telling we where I need to slow down, in this case with regards to my son and the fact that I'm perhaps missing some of the moments by not taking my time.

And when I commit to slowing down and spending some additional time, then my Mind wants me to play catch up, making me feel that I have to somehow re-capture that time that I feel that I've Lost.  Because if I do, then I'll be all set and everything will be 'perfect'!  I have to catch myself here for that is not me either... that 'clever' Mind! :)

In this case, what I decided to do was have a spontaneous camping trip in our backyard.  It was easy and wonderful and fun - just like the feeling in my True Self when I know that it's connected to the Universe.  It slowed everything down and we had a great time staying up listening to the frogs and crickets and owls until we both fell asleep under the stars and the moon.  We even slept in late (a rare occasion in our family) and woke to the sound of the horses neighing in the field next door. 

I may look back on this picture many years from now and wonder again why everything has gone So Fast, but I'll always remember what he said to me as we were packing up the next morning - "I love camping with you Daddy - it's my favorite."

All the Best,

Whitney

© 2012 All rights reserved, Whitney Merrill

Attached To When

When engaging in our daily lives, there is a strong tendency for us to fixate on When something is going to happen for us.  We live in a frenetic, complicated and busy world and at times it can seem like the best approach is to attempt to control a little slice of it for our own peace of mind.  'If I just do this one thing then...' or if 'I can finally get this other thing then...' or 'I must achieve this by such and such a date...', have become common phrases for many of us.

However, when you look into Nature you don't see this occurring with the same constraint of attachment.  You see everything in movement and growth, but no When.  You see animals going about their lives doing much of the same things that we do - waking up, going out to find food for themselves and their family, playing, exploring, sleeping and going to bed again each day.  You see plants reaching for the sun, water flowing in its courses, rocks weathering the test of time and air continuously circulating around the Earth.  All of this occurs without a controlled schedule of When but it all happens.  There is a Flow of days, seasons and years created by the continuous movement of the planets but there is no Stop and no Resistance - there just is. 

When we fixate on When, what we are actually doing is attempting to Stop the Flow.  The illusion in our Mind is that When we actually get what we want we will have that 'peace' of mind.  When we close that deal and hit our number for the month, When we get the job that we 'always' wanted, When we solve or heal the problem, When we buy the house that we were saving for or When we loose the 10 pounds that we were 'just' trying to lose for 2 years, then we will be OK and we can rest!  Phew! :) But the reality is that there is always going to be another When and there is never going to be a real Stop.

The planets and galaxies will not stop their rotations (anytime soon) and everything in the world and Universe around us will remain in continuous movement and Flow.  Our job (or another one) will be there, we will likely move again, we will have more problems and we will likely gain a few more pounds back, and then lose them again.  We know this, and yet our fixated Mind immediately comes back to 'But I just need This one thing now' or I'll work on That later, etc., etc.

My suggestion for addressing this is to not turn away or try and pretend that you don't have some of these fixations but to acknowledge where you have the Whens in your life and ask yourself "Why do I?" 

As examples:

 - Why do I need to hit my numbers to be at the top of the leader-board for the month?

 - Why do I want a new job?

 - Why do I the new house?

 - Whey do I want that relationship?

 - Why do I need to heal or fix this problem?

 - Why do I want to loose 10 pounds?

The hint and clue here is as much in the Why? as it is in the 'I'.  Ask yourself if these are really your goals.  Are you perhaps 'sharing' these goals with someone else (like a spouse, co-worker or family member) and 'riding along on their coat-tails?'  Are these Whens things that you were taught earlier in life and now believe are your own?  Who in your life wants you to have these Whens? Whether it be in our jobs, our family or friends - attachment to When is everywhere around us.  Seeing it for ourselves if often the challenge.

However, the great thing is that each and every When is an opportunity to learn more about ourselves so that we can consciously Choose what it is that we really want.  By noticing the attachment to the When, we then have the opportunity to let it go.  In doing so we leave more room and energy for that which our True Self really wants to do.   And, when we are doing what we really want to do, it feels timeless and it is Flow - there is no Stop and no Resistance.  We are in tune with Nature and the rhythm of the Universe.  There is no suffering and there is no When, there is just right here, right NOW.

Just take a minute to remember what it feels like to do something that you really love to do ... fun, easy, exciting, peaceful, joyful... true bliss.  It is that vibration that will guide you as you ask yourself whether you really need the When.... or Why.  

All the Best,

Whitney

© 2012 All rights reserved, Whitney Merrill

"To say 'I Love You', one must first be able to say the 'I'.  - Ayn Rand

Stormy Weather

The sun doesn't shine every day. Sometimes it rains a tiny bit, and sometimes is pours. And sometimes it just looks like it might, and never quite gets there. It's cold and windy and it feels like you might get dumped on at any minute... but it doesn't.

Sometimes, this is even more difficult than having it actually rain, and getting totally soaking wet. Like watching a suspenseful movie and being on-edge because you have the feeling that at any moment that something's going to jump out at you. Makes you want to close your eyes and hide yourself away.

But it's the Contrast of life that makes it all real and wonderful. If every day were mild, predictable and sunny we probably wouldn't appreciate them very much after a while. Isn't it always the beautiful day after a period of dreariness that we remember - and the longer the period of dreariness, the more wonderful the sun?

So, what if you were to really dig into the Contrast, getting up close and personal without any blinders on? Rather than staying inside and waiting for the clouds to clear, what if you were to stand out on the cliff of life with your face into the wind just daring the clouds to 'bring it on'. What might that look and feel like?

It might be a bit scary at first...

... and it make take some adjustment until you get properly oriented to the weather, work on your footing and get firmly grounded.

Also, with a good blow, you might have to get your back up...

















... and have to really lean into it!

The Contrast of Stormy Weather - how will you know that you don't like it if you haven't tried it before!?

All the Best,

Whitney

© 2012 All rights reserved, Whitney Merrill

"If you understand, things are just as they are; if you do not understand, things are just as they are." - Zen proverb

A New Path

I started down A New Path the other day...

...it was a clearly marked and the way appeared to be straight and clear!

But then, an Adversary blocked my path and I had to wait for him to pass.

It started to get a little darker...

...and darker...

...but I could still see the light filtering through.

Then my Path began to twist and turn...

...I had to cross over water...

...and under a barrier...

...but my Path eventually led me to the View from the Top!


My Energy spent, it had me ready to find some a place to Rest and Rejuvenate.

And remember what is truly important...

All the Best,

Whitney
© 2013 All rights reserved, Whitney Merrill

"An ant on the move does more than a dozing ox." - Lao-Tzu

Garage Sale

We had a garage sale the other weekend - releasing the old to make room for the new.  It is amazing what attachments we form in our lifetimes to 'stuff' and why.  For me, it is books - which I have found represent my attachment to my assimilation of knowledge and experiences.  I realized that I was holding onto these books, many of which I skimmed over while reading several simultaneously, so that I could potentially 'refer' back to them at a later date.

It's been 30+ years for those Tolkien books there in the picture and I promise you that I have never cracked the cover on those since I finished reading them in 6th grade.  The power of the experience of reading those books as a young boy had stayed with me my entire life - I do remember reading them and literally expanding my consciousness with each page.  Such creativity, imagination and magic - truly life changing for me personally.  And so, I held onto them.  And what is the harm in that?

Nothing really... other than the expansion of today, the new joy of assimilation, the experience of NOW, the book I'm reading today.  There will never be another first time reading The Hobbit, but there will be a first time experience of my next life changing book, story, moment or experience.  I want all of my focus and attention to be available for that experience so that I am as present as I possibly can be.

That is why I gave up my books even though I held onto them for many years... to make room for today.  Give it a try, you may never know what will happen next.... :)

All the Best,
Whitney
© 2011 Whitney Merrill All Rights Reserved

Pumpkins and Dogs

October 2011 Coastviews Magazine Cover
Photo by Whitney Merrill