The Focus of NO

After the identification of Purpose and some understanding as to the composition of Structure, we are faced with the 3rd step in the process which is deliberation as it relates to the potential future Implementation.  This is the process whereby we begin to determine what is 'in' and what is 'out', thereby providing us with focus.  Many people have a great deal of difficulty with this step as it invariably involves saying 'NO' to other people that many be involved for without some 'nos' we will ultimately not have enough energy for the 'yesses'.  We may feel that we are 'closing doors' or 'burning bridges' when in reality what we are doing is laying the energetic 'rails' for our future expansion, growth and movement.  Without those rails or guides to keep us focused and on-track then our energy has the potential to become scattered, weak and diffuse.    

When we have come to know our Inner Purpose and Structure, it is up to us to navigate through distractions and to acknowledge that there is an energetic cost for every 'side trip' along the way.  Learning which choices are stepping stones and which are dead-ends is part of the experience of life but there are also ways in which we can mitigate the risks and optimize the use of our own personal power.  Examples include:

1) Regarding a decision or choice, ask yourself: "Do I really want to do this Right Now?" or "Do I think that this is the next 'right' thing for me to do?"
2) Is there a 'Need', 'Should' or 'Have to' somewhere in my decision making process (a good indicator that this is not your own True Belief)?
3) If I wasn't concerned about what other people would think or feel (i.e. they would support me either way), would I still chose this or would I say 'NO'?
4) When I shift forward in time to my Energetic Picture of the future and look back upon this choice, do I feel that it is in alignment with the feeling of my Energetic Picture?
and/or
5) Am I working with a trusted guide or advisor who can assist me in aligning my deliberation process with my Purpose and Structure so that I can avoid the undue influence of False Personality? (i.e when I do not have clarity with regard to questions 1-4 above)

It is also important to note that NO can be stated powerfully, honorably, respectfully and with integrity.  It is the "Yes (but I really don't want to)" that is what is really out-of-integrity.  What we are saying when we say "Yes (but I really don't want to)" is that we don't honor or respect the other individual enough to tell them the truth, usually under the guise that it 'might hurt their feelings'.  Also, when I say "Yes (but I don't know if I have enough energy for that)" then we are also out-of-integrity as we try and 'look good' to others and 'go along with the motions' to 'save face'.  A simple 'NO, Thank you' can make all of the difference in these situations, especially when communicated from the heart.

My suggestion for today and for your next step of deliberation is that you simply be open to the 'NO's that may present themselves to you.  By doing less of what you don't want to do, see if that gives you more energy for what you do - and then choose that.

All the Best,
Whitney
© 2010 All rights reserved, Whitney Merrill

"If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice." - RUSH

Attached to When

When engaging in our daily lives, there is a tendency to fixate on When something is going to happen for us.  We live in a frenetic, complicated and busy world and at times it can seem like the best approach is to attempt to control a little slice of that for our own 'peace of mind'.  'If I just do this one thing' or if 'I can finally get this other thing' or 'I must achieve this by this date', have become common phrases for many of us in our attempt to achieve this for ourselves.  We also tend to 'buy into' other people's fixations and end up unconsciously making them our own over time.  'We have to hit this number' or 'We need to get to this goal, or else', have become part of the social background so much so that we don't even realize that 'we' (You) didn't set these goals - it was somebody else.   Whether it be in our jobs, our family or friends - attachment to When is everywhere around us.

However, when you look our into Nature you don't see this with the same constraint of attachment.  You see everything in movement and growth, but no When.   You see animals going about their lives doing much of the same things that we do - waking up, going out to find food for themselves and their family, playing, exploring, sleeping and going to bed again each day.  You see plants reaching for the sun, water flowing in its courses, rocks weathering the test of time and air continuously circulating around the Earth.  All of this occurs without a controlled schedule of When but it all happens.  There is an overall Flow and timeline of days, seasons and years created by the continuous movement of the planets but there is no Stop and no Resistance whatsoever. 

For when we fixate on When, what we are actually attempting to do is Stop the Flow.  This illusion in our Mind is that When we actually get what we want we will have that 'peace of mind'.  When we close that deal and hit our number for the month, When we get the job that we 'always' wanted, When we solve or heal the problem, When we buy the house that we were saving for or When we loose the 10 pounds that we were 'just' trying to lose for 2 years, Then we will be OK and we can rest!  But the reality is that there is always going to be another When and there is never going to be a Stop.  The planets and galaxies will not stop their rotations (anytime soon) and everything in the world and Universe around us will remain in continuous movement and Flow.  Our job (or another one) will be there, we will likely move again, we will have more problems and we will likely gain a few more pounds back, and then lose them again.  We know this, and yet our fixation of  the Mind will immediately come back to "But I just need This now" and I'll work on That later.

My suggestion is to not turn away or try and pretend that you don't have some of these fixations but to acknowledge where you have the When's in your life and ask yourself "Why do I?" As examples:
 - Why do I need to hit my numbers to be at the top of the leader-board for the month?
 - Why do I want a new job?
 - Why do I the new house?
 - Whey do I want that relationship?
 - Why do I need to heal or fix this problem?
 - Why do I want to loose 10 pounds?
The hint and clue here is not so much in the Why? but in the 'I'.  Ask yourself if these are really your goals.  Are you perhaps 'sharing' these goals with someone else (like a spouse, co-worker or family member) and 'riding along on their coattails?'  Are these When's things that you were taught earlier in life and now believe are your own?  Who in your life wants you to have these When's? What do you really believe is True for you? 

Each and every When is an opportunity to learn more about ourselves so that we can consciously Choose what it is what we really want.  For when we are doing what our True Self really wants then it is timeless and it is Flow - there is no Stop and no Resistance.  There is no suffering and there is no When, there is just right here, right NOW.  We have all had these moments for ourselves - just take a minute to remember what that feels like.  It is that vibration that will guide you as you ask yourself whether you really need the When or whether that is someone else talking.

All the Best,
Whitney
© 2010 All rights reserved, Whitney Merrill

"Before you can learn how to say 'I Love You', you first have to learn how to say the 'I'.  - Ayn Rand

Common 'wisdom'

When examining the Purpose and Structure of your Life's Work, very often there is a common 'wisdom' that inhibits this full examination. Rationality and what we are 'supposed to' be doing with our lives tends to run much of the dialogue in our Minds. What we were taught at a very early age by our parents and family has been reinforced over the years to become a defined 'track' for each of our lives - one that is often challenging to notice or even contemplate 'getting off of'. Why should we go against 'common wisdom' when so many people have been successful before me? Why should I know any better than those that have come before me or even think that I might be able to do something different? Who am I to think that I even deserve to being doing something of meaning when there are so many people just barely 'getting by' or existing?

I would ask you to consider a few questions:

- How many people are really happy and successful and doing what they really want to do in their Life's Work? Whether it be at your current job, among a group of friends or just out at a restaurant - look around and ask yourself what % of those people are spending more than 50% of their active work time engaged in activities and work that they would personally consider meaningful and productive (to them)? Think about it... what % of them is really doing their Life Work on a consistent basis? 7 out of 10, 50%, 1 out of 5, 1 in 10...?

- Of those jobs/careers that have been defined by common 'wisdom' as being 'good' and 'successful' jobs, how many of these are ones that you would want to engage in? If you could change your job overnight would you choose one of these jobs? Would the quality of life be what you wanted or the money or the growth? If you were to evaluate these jobs with regard the the following 9 Factors of Career choice, how would they stack up?

9 Factors of Career Choice
1) Company Vision
2) Work Life Balance (includes Commute)
3) Career Growth/Opportunities
4) Training and Development
5) 'Make a Difference'
6) Manager/Supervisor
7) Executive Leadership
8) Community/Social
9) Compensation & Benefits

- Do you know yourself enough to really know what it is that you want to do with your life? What is your Life's Work and how would you define that? Are you moving towards a better understanding of that or going the other direction (or stopped)? Do you know what it feels like to make a difference in the world or someone else's life other than your own? Do you ever think about this and what comes up in your Mind?

Lots of questions for today but I will suggest that when you really think about it, common 'wisdom' is something to be questioned. Just for today, chose your own Wisdom over the crowd and see where it takes you!

All the Best,
Whitney
© 2010 All rights reserved, Whitney Merrill

“It is easier to sail many thousand miles through cold and storm and cannibals, in a government ship, with five hundred men and boys to assist one, than it is to explore the private sea, the Atlantic and Pacific Ocean of one's being alone. It is not worth the while to go round the world to count the cats in Zanzibar.”

– Henry David Thoreau

Unavailable Time

In our modern world full of cell phones, Internet communications, 24/7 media, social networking and email, there are many entities that have created business goals to provide 100% Availability for these systems and utilities.  While perhaps valuable as a service where competition is high and engendering loyal customers is key, somehow the assumption has crept into our culture that we as consumers must therefore be available to receive these services or we are 'missing out' on the experience. 

In just a short period of time, we have gone from being a society where people have substantial periods of what I will call "Unavailable Time" to having none at all.  The vast majority of people in America are now able to be reached 24/7 via some form of communication at a moment's notice.  This is not a comment on the lack of value or quality of such services - I will suggest that if they were not of value we would not pay money for them.  Simply taking a look at a household's annual spending for these services can give us an idea of the relative worth (i.e. many people will pay their cell phone bill over their gas/electric bill when push comes to shove).  What has gone relatively unnoticed is the cost to our own lives of not having this 'Unavailable Time', specifically with regard to the ability to take a 'break' on a regular basis.  There is a cost to being 100% available and it often shows itself in depression, illness, lack of well-being and a general sense of malaise that many people experience on a daily basis. 

Unfortunately, this cost has crept up on us while we were enjoying our new 'toys'.  The wave of these new forms of communication has hit us so fast that we have not had time to absorb the impact that this has had upon us.  I can remember a time in just my short lifetime where I could turn on the TV and get the 'bars', where "You've got Mail" was what the postman said and where "We're not right here now, please leave a message at the beep and we'll get back to you when we get home" actually meant 'leave a message'!  Taking a drive in your car or taking a walk in the woods actually meant that you could not be reached for a period of time.  It was still possible to 'summer' as a verb at a location where bills would not be received and you had to take cash out of your bank account to fund the vacation/get-away. 

As an exercise to illustrate this wave of change, think back to a special moment from your childhood to a time when you did not have a cell phone or email or 24/7 cable TV.  Choose an event, either in solitude or with friends/family and remember how it felt to be in that moment and experiencing that special time.   Relive that moment and let yourself be young again with the freedom and energy of youth.  Then imagine your cell phone ringing/vibrating in your pocket the middle of that event... this is the world that many of us are living in today.  In that moment we would very likely reach for the cell phone and sever the moment - instinct now has us responding to the cord of connection to a 24/7 communications culture.
 
Fortunately, we always have choice.  It does requires a conscious choice in today's culture, but we have the choice nonetheless.  You can indeed choose periods of Unavailable Time, if only for brief periods that will enable you do disconnect and experience part of that freedom and energy that was a common occurrence not too long ago.  For in saying "No" to 100% Availability, you are actually making yourself more readily available to Source and your True Self.   It is unlikely that you will cancel your cell phone or Facebook account, but you could turn it off for periods at a time - along with your home phone, Internet and Cable TV.  You could do this while you are meditating or reading or walking in nature, or you could just do this when you are in your car, having coffee/drinks with a friend or having dinner with your family at home.

More proactively, you could even decide to go on a long weekend trip with your significant other and not tell anyone where you are going, leave your cell phones turned off (in the glove box for emergencies if you are so inclined) and not check email until you get home.  For those of you who have children and/or dependents - you could make arrangements to have them cared for (or you could bring them with you without their cell phones & laptops) and perhaps just leave an emergency number where you will be staying.  Your parents were able to figure this out and their parents before them, etc., etc.  The point is simply that you could choose some 'Unavailable Time' but it will likely have to be a conscious choice where previously it was a common occurrence.

As an exercise in validation, you could just 'try it out', one step at a time.  My suggestion would be to start with just 15-20 minutes a day of 'Unavailable Time' for 2 weeks and see what you begin to notice.  You could then try adding-in 1-2 hour blocks weekly with 2-3 day blocks a few times a year.  Even the act of planning a 'retreat' for several months in advance or a 'vacation' from availability for a few years in the future can hold a bright spot of possibility in your future.  Each conscious act of Choice towards connecting to Source grounds you and makes the next subsequent act that much easier.   Time builds upon time and suddenly new patterns begin to emerge.  This is the magic of 'Unavailable Time' - you never know what you may find if you do not seek.

All the Best,
Whitney
© 2010 All rights reserved, Whitney Merrill

"If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading." - Lao Tzu