Personal Time for Family Time

During the holidays many of us experience a significant increase in Family Time.  We may see relatives that we have not seen for quite a while or if we live close to relatives we may experience an increased family concentration or intensity of engagement.  While often joyful and wonderful it is important to remember that Family Time can consume large amounts of energy.  The tendency for many is to over-indulge during the holidays with both food & drink as well as family interaction.  In both cases, we may feel the after-effects of an 'energetic hangover' as we come down off the high to find our personal energetic reserves drained.

While the preventative measures and remedies for food & drink over-indulgence are common knowledge (i.e. drink lots of water, Alka-Seltzer and tomato juice, etc.), Family Time over-indulgence also has it's own 'medicine' - known better as Personal Time.  This is simply what is sounds like - Personal time spent (alone) to recharge your batteries and keep your energetic reserves refreshed.   Simply taking a pause from the fray can do wonders to refreshing yourself and keeping you grounded.

If you already include a good amount of Personal Time in your daily life, the key here is to continue this during the holidays but increase it to account for additional energetic needs.  If you do not currently engage in Personal Time, the holidays is a great time to start this practice as many people often have some additional time off from work, school or various projects at this time of the year.

The prescribed dosage  for Personal Time during the holidays is 2-3 short periods of time (15-20 minutes) + 1 extended period (45-60 minutes) each day.  If Personal Time is new to you then this may seem excessive, but please note that the short and extended periods of time can be something that you may already do like a quiet cup of coffee or tea, taking the dog for a walk, doing your nails/make-up, sitting in an easy chair in a corner or a relaxing bath or shower.  The focus here is in how you engage in your Personal Time and whether it recharges you or not.  Learning what is True Personal Time for you is part of the process as well.

The suggestion here is to seek to intentionally transform your current alone periods into Personal Time moments.  By simply focusing you awareness on the activity of recharging and preparing yourself for Family Time, you will draw extra energy to you during your Personal Time.  Even if you find yourself unable to get out or to manifest an extended period, taking a short break in the bathroom to douse a little water on your face or light a small candle in quiet corner can do wonders.  Just enjoy your Family Time and your Personal Time!

Happy Thanksgiving!
Whitney
© 2010 All rights reserved, Whitney Merrill

Un-Reasonable Requests

We live in a world where Reason dictates many of the decisions and actions of people.  While useful to one part of our experience - what of the Other?  What happens when we leave Reason behind and step into the Un-Known?  Can we shift our energetic patterns and release our hold on the reality that we have created and often strain so hard to maintain?  Are we ready to take that leap?  Is this something that you have even considered doing at this point along your Path?  If yes, then feel free to read on.  If not, then I suggest that you file this one away for a later time.

One tool that I utilize to test my resolve in confronting the Un-Known is to make Un-Reasonable Requests.  This is a request that arises not from Reason but from somewhere else and it openly expressed to someone with no expectation of outcome.  It is a request that defies Reason but it is not necessarily inappropriate, unprofessional, uncouth, uncaring or unbelievable - it is just un-reasonable.  This is the request that you would not normally make of another but you know is a powerful one to make.  It provides clarity and complete awareness of the moment that a normal reasonable request would not provide.  It can also set your free.

The suggested exercise is to pick someone that you care about where you have a belief that is limiting you or causing your distress. You then confront that belief head-on with your Un-Reasonable request and see what transpires.  A simple example might be: "My friend never comes to visit me, I wish he would and it upsets me that he doesn't."  Then you get on the phone, call him up and Un-Reasonably request that he come visit you in the very near future - by the way, your friend lives in New Zealand and has a fear of flying.  He can say no, or he can say yes - but you are committed to the request and the potential the visit - either way.

What you do with an Un-Reasonable request is you empower yourself with your Communication and you empower others with Choice.   Also, it brings you into the Un-Known of the outcome - the bigger the request, the bigger the jump.

All the Best,
Whitney
© 2011 All rights reserved, Whitney Merrill

Family Moments

During the holiday season I will be devoting one BLOG post a week to energetic communication with Family.  My first post comes on the heels of a visit from my fraternal uncle who was in the Bay Area for the long weekend and took the time to meet up with me, my wife and son on his way to the airport.

We picked my uncle up at the train station and ended up at a local diner having a second breakfast where my son tried his first bite of french toast.  For those that have children, keeping an active ~3yr old entertained for over an hour can be a challenge but I think that we all handled it pretty well.  It was a great meal and allowed us to catch up on family 'news and the weather'.  I have fond memories of my uncle growing up and he was one of the reasons that I decided to migrate to the Bay Area years ago.  He has since retired to Asheville, North Carolina so there are not many opportunities to connect in person as there used to be - it was a rare treat.

My energetic intention for a brief visit like this is to experience at least one memorable event, or what I call a 'Family Moment' - something that connects people together at the heart and is remembered long beyond the visit.  As the years go by, I have learned not necessarily to expect this while everyone is dressed up, sitting at the table and the turkey is brought out of the kitchen 'a la' Norman Rockwell (but for the record I have had a few of those as well).  I have found from experience that true Family Moments normally come when people let down their guard or when you least expect it.

In this case our Family Moment came as the 3 'boys' headed to the diner's restroom after the meal.  My son is in the potty training stage so we take every opportunity we can get to 'practice'.  It was a small bathroom but enough room for the 3 of us and upon finishing up I lifted my son up to the sink to wash his hands.  When he was done with the soap and water he reached over the the paper towel dispenser and it was one of those with the motion sensor.  Wow!  The joy of a 3 yr old with a new found discovery had us all enjoying a moment of hilarity.  The love and laughter was everywhere in the bathroom and something that connected us across time, space and 3 generations - it was a moment that I will always remember.

What this Family Moment also made me appreciate and feel was that my uncle not only took the time to come and visit, but to be present while he was visiting.  So often, we travel and visit family and are barely present through our own issues, concerns and drama.  Sometimes just a little 'pause in the restroom' is all that it takes to be present to where you are: with family and those that love you.

This Family Moment had me re-affirm my own personal intention as I head out to see my niece and nephew over Thanksgiving to create a moment or two for their childhood.  I'll be looking for more of them with the rest of my family over the holiday season with more visits in store.  My suggested exercise is that you set a similar intention for yourself and see what transpires.  Just one is all it takes and you'll have heart and laughter in your holidays that will last well beyond the season.

All the Best,
Whitney
© 2010 All rights reserved, Whitney Merrill

Middlespace

For many people, there is a gap between what they say that they are going to do and what they actually do.  This can either be in the timeliness of the action or the action itself.  As an example, "I will meet you at the park at 5pm.": they are either there at 5pm, they arrive at another time or they don't show at all.  Additionally, they can either be conscious of this gap or unconscious: they are aware that they were late or missed the engagement, or it 'totally slipped their mind'.  This gap is what I refer to as 'middlespace' and when we are conscious of it in ourselves, we are provided with a great opportunity to increase our energetic reserves and personal power.

You can see the energy drain in those who live in the world of middlespace - they are consistently late or missing appointments, prone to over-promising & under-delivering to those around them and often not aware of the impact of this on others.  They are usually stressed, overwhelmed and harried - comments like "I can never get caught up" or "I'm maxxed" are frequently expressed.  They also tend to perceive the energy drainers in their life as external, as opposed to looking inward at themselves.

Seeing this in ourselves is usually more challenging but the benefits of stopping the energy draining effects of middlespace are there nonetheless. My exercise for this is simple and one that suggest practicing for a few minutes each day.  Find a place where there are two chairs or seats and make yourself comfortable in one of them.  Imagine yourself in the other chair and then ask yourself if there are any gaps between your communication and actions.  Note what comes to mind and record this for review later (either by writing or recording or both).

For each middlespace gap that you discover create an intention to close the gap, reminding yourself to be patient and compassionate with yourself along the way.  This is not about judgment - this is simply about noticing 'What is' and creating an intention to bridge the gap.  I often do this in my car on my commute home from work, dialoguing with myself in the passenger seat - I then leave myself a voice message at work that is there for me when I arrive the next morning.  This can be a bit confronting at first but the energy gain if usually quite dramatic so well worth the effort.  I encourage you to go easy on yourself, take it one day at a time and notice what transpires for you.   The power of middlespace is there for you to utilize - you just need to claim it for your own.

All the Best,
Whitney
© 2010 All rights reserved, Whitney Merrill

'Great acts are made up of small deeds.' - Lao Tzu

Giving and Receiving from Where You Are

We had a break in the rain this weekend and I had the opportunity to explore our neighborhood with my son as he rode around on his tricycle.  Being so close to the ground I was amazed at all of the things that he noticed along our journey.  It had me stop and look around more closely myself - seeing the world through the eyes of a 2yr old is a truly wondrous experience.

There was water flowing along the curb from the rainstorms so I took a few flower petals and showed him how they would float and travel all the way to the storm drain.  It was as though I had given him ice cream for the first time - the joy and wonder of a new found discovery was written all over his face.  We played for quite a while and as we headed home he kept one of the flowers, putting it on the back of his tricycle.  Upon returning home he walked in the house exclaiming "I got a flower for your Mommy!" - the happiness and magic of receiving a gift was evident there as well.

This experience reminded me that we all have the opportunity to give and receive from where we are.  I might not have the opportunity to walk our neighborhood again while my son is still young enough to ride his tricycle but I will always remember our first time floating flower petals along the curb.  My son might not remember to pick a flower home for his Mom on each adventure but she will always remember the times that he did.

Just remember, we all have the opportunity to give and receive from where we are - Right Now.

All the Best,
Whitney
© 2010 All rights reserved, Whitney Merrill

'If you want to be enthusiastic, act enthusiastic.'  - Dale Carnegie

Praise as a Paddle

As with water flowing downstream, we can choose to flow in the shadow of the rocks or sparkle lightly upon the surface.  We can look downstream (to see where we are going) and upstream (to see where we have been), but to maneuver yourself in this flow it is sometimes necessary to 'dip your paddle' in the water where you are right now.  How you do this can make all the difference in steering you away from obstacles and keeping you flowing easily along your journey.

Communicating praise to others is one of the best methods for guiding your 'paddle' to assist you in your course adjustments.  By 'pinging' others with praise, we learn exactly where we are, where we have been and where we are going through the process of validation.  What we are saying with praise is "I like this about you", "There is a part of me that aligns positively with that part of you" and "We are flowing in the clear water together in this regard."  Conversely, criticism says the opposite and ultimately serves to slow our journey and muddy the waters, making it difficult to navigate or stay on the surface.

At first we may make 'tentative' strokes or perhaps even 'over adjust' with our praise, but as with anything practice and repetition can assist us in developing mastery and eventually navigating by 'auto-pilot'.  A daily suggested practice is to praise 3 people: one in your present, one from your 'past' and one from your 'future', where 'past' and 'future' refer to people that are floating either upstream of downstream of you right now.  Examples of 'past' might be a former boss, co-worker, mentor or friend who you still admire but are not actively communicating with right now.  'Future' might be someone you just newly met who inspired or excited you.  And 'Present' could be your spouse/significant other, close family member/friend or just someone that you see each day at the coffee shop.

In praising, simply find one thing that you like, respect or notice as positive about that person and communicate that to them.  Start with 3 people and then continue the practice each day, observing how you are flowing along your journey.  Are you flowing on the surface or under the rocks?  You choose.

All the Best,
Whitney
© 2010 All rights reserved, Whitney Merrill 

'Praise is like sunlight to the human spirit, we cannot flower and grow without it.' - Jesse Lair