Recently, I found myself feeling a sense of Loss due to the fact that my son is growing up So Fast. I was looking at pictures from him @ 1 and 2 years old and feeling that I had not been fully present to those moments. The sleepless nights and experiences of new parenting seemed to put everything into overdrive, like life rushing by the open window of a car going down the highway at 75 MPH.
Thanks to the magic and ease of digital photography, I can now see pictures of him and us everywhere - smiling and having the best times. Sometimes it is a pleasant memory that fills my heart with joy but sometimes it has me wishing that I had been more present or awake :). I can then hear My Mind question: "Why does it have to all go So Fast?" Often, from that thought comes the sense that I Missed something...and a feeling of Loss is activated.
When I notice this feeling it immediately reminds me to take a breath and pause. If needed I will take a walk or find a space to clear my mind and meditate - for I know that this feeling is not my True Self. It is separate from and distinct from the love and joy that I have in my heart for my family, my son, my wife, my friends and myself. It is not True, but the Mind in it's fear based mode of resisting what truly is, is actually telling me what I need to do.
It's telling me that it's all going So Fast, so that I can choose to just slow down a bit. Not come to a grinding halt, but perhaps take my foot off the gas for a minute and pull over into the slow lane - maybe down to 65 MPH for a while instead. :) It's also telling we where I need to slow down, in this case with regards to my son and the fact that I'm perhaps missing some of the moments by not taking my time.
And when I commit to slowing down and spending some additional time, then my Mind wants me to play catch up, making me feel that I have to somehow re-capture that time that I feel that I've Lost. Because if I do, then I'll be all set and everything will be 'perfect'! I have to catch myself here for that is not me either... that 'clever' Mind! :)
In this case, what I decided to do was have a spontaneous camping trip in our backyard. It was easy and wonderful and fun - just like the feeling in my True Self when I know that it's connected to the Universe. It slowed everything down and we had a great time staying up listening to the frogs and crickets and owls until we both fell asleep under the stars and the moon. We even slept in late (a rare occasion in our family) and woke to the sound of the horses neighing in the field next door.
I may look back on this picture many years from now and wonder again why everything has gone So Fast, but I'll always remember what he said to me as we were packing up the next morning - "I love camping with you Daddy - it's my favorite."
All the Best,
Whitney
© 2012 All rights reserved, Whitney Merrill
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